Why You Shouldn’t Compliment Weight Loss

Body shaming and criticism of someone’s appearance is damaging in an obvious way— we all know better than to make mean comments about people’s bodies. Like…duh, right?

Well…what if I told you that sometimes it’s the COMPLIMENTS you give that can do harm?

We’ve all done it, myself included. “OMG you look so skinny!” and “Wow, have you lost weight?” may be intended as compliments in this diet culture society we live in, but the impact can be quite different.

Better Safe Than Sorry

If you don’t know what’s going on personally and emotionally with that person, so anyone you’re not THISCLOSE with, you’re better off avoiding body commentary all together. It’s a catch 22: if the weight loss was intentional, you’re sending the message that the way their body looked before was unacceptable and are basically body shaming them in reverse. If the weight loss wasn’t intentional, if they’re going through a trauma or grieving period that caused it, you could be intensifying that pain.

It’s perfectly possible your loved one feels pride in their body as it currently is, and lives for it being noticed! I’d say that’s a pretty normal desire in a fat-phobic world with a narrow minded beauty ideal. However, since intentional weight loss is often a result of unsustainable dieting, restriction and even exercising to an extent they no longer even enjoy it, if this weight is not within the range of their predetermined genetic blueprint or set point, they’ll gain it back. Sometimes our “goal weight” and our healthiest weight are very different. All diets fail eventually, because our bodies can’t tell if your calorie restriction is because you’re following Keto or Whole30 and just thinks you’re in a famine. Making a big deal about glorifying their smaller self can ultimately make them feel shame around what’s potentially actually the healthiest for them.

In my experience, as an eating disorder survivor, it was the unsolicited praise and positive feedback about my body size (when I was ill) that worked to reinforce the disordered eating and exercise behaviors I was engaging in more than any choreographer’s disdain for larger bodies.

Conclusion

No matter how close we are with someone, we don’t always know what’s going on in their head, and they may not have communicated to you that they’re struggling  (or even realize that they are). This doesn’t mean you can’t compliment your friends- I’m a big fangirl of unexpected compliments- and bonus points for when it’s a stranger— it can make that person’s whole day! Instead of complimenting body size- stretch your imagination a bit and try to compliment something that doesn’t have to do with their body size- I made this list of non body compliments if you need inspiration!

Exercising mindfully and intuitively will help increase your own sense of body satisfaction by affirming your own sense of strength. Try Helen Phelan Studio for 10 days free to start healing your relationship with exercise.